Tonight is an ordinary night except that Mr. Mayhem is out of town on business. The Mayhem doesn't want an extravagant dinner for three kids who haven't eaten anything green today, so she heats up one of those skillet meals that come straight from the freezer bag. We've had this before with few problems. Except Mayhem never liked the way the dry chicken cubes were seasoned and even though she can't taste the carrots outright, the fact that she's eating them (which she always does when they're served) bothers her. Oh! Look! It seems this bag portion only lends itself to three kids meals. The ever sacrificing mama will bow out of this one and forage for something *sugary* to feed herself later.
Well guess what. Baby A doesn't care for the seasoning on the chicken either. Nor does B for that matter, but he and E are motivated with the bribe of chocolate cupcakes to be had if everyone will finish their meal. Now here, in real time I was slightly dismayed and mildly annoyed that A was not eating his meal. But gosh darn if I'm not proud of that boy for sticking to his guns in the face of chocolate cake. He would not touch the chicken. Time wore on, food got cold, we got bored.
E got desperate. I had some business with the computer and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on.. so here we all are "after" dinner vegetating until bedtime. Every five minutes E is asking if there's still time to make cupcakes, and I am answering truthfully until I realize I'm just prolonging his misery. Inevitably there will be no time left to make cupcakes and he'll have spent the last hour of that time in limbo.
So I tell him it's pretty much between him and A. And what came next was nothing short of inspirational. E set about determining what exactly was wrong with the dinner. A told him halfheartedley that "it's too spiceey." Mickey Mouse was riveting. E already knew what to and promptly suggested water to drink. "it's too spiceeeeey" came the echo of a reply. His eyes never left Mickey. Donald Duck is apparently stuck in something and they need a mousekatool to rescue him. "Well," says E, "you could drink some water A. You could take a bite of the chicken and then put some water in your mouth and then eat it and it will make it not spicy."
"It's to spiceeeeeyyy"
The flame of hope flickers and E's quavering voice pleads, "It's NOT SPICY! IF YOU TAKE A DRINK IT'LL NOT BE SPICEY. DON'T YOU WANT US TO HAVE CAKE?!" Tears. "A doesn't want us to have any cake!"
A: "I CAN'T HEEEEEEEEEARRRRR!" We're trying to figure out which mousekatool to use.
I calmly explain to E that it's not him, it's the chicken spice.
The next four minutes is E plying A with cups of water and Donald finally getting free. I'm on my computer "working."
A now wants food and I have enough love for him not to laugh in his face. I just explain that his bowl is on the table. He becomes exasperated that no one is listening when he again explains the chicken. I tell him he can have a drink to take away the spice if he'll sit down. E is on top of it and already has a cup of water for him at the table. A sits, E regains hope, B is happy in his uninterrupted TV trance. Hmmm... I should take this opportunity to step into the garage with the now alert and scavenging dog to sort the recycling.
I'm out for a minute or so when a hyped B throws open the door and jumps onto the stoop. "Get back in with those bare feet!" I chide. Three weeks of recycling and a marauding dog surround me. I'm realizing I drink a lot of instant coffee as the cartons are everywhere. I hear chatter in the background as the door swings shut. A moment later A is in the doorway with his tattle face on. "E poured water on my bowl." He has a definite-ness to his tone. He is sure (for once) that what E had done is not acceptable. I can't fathom such a random act. E is a full head taller than A and s standing directly behind him.
"Is it true?" I ask. They both nod. The tumblers in my head spin and I realize that some sort of washing is going on! E is trying to wash the seasoning off the chicken so it will be edible! "Better to minimize this," I tell myself, "we want to keep the focus on the task of eating..."
"E, take the water out of the bowl please. Put it back in the cup." The two saunter away, closing the door behind them and I go back to sorting.
Another minute passes and the door cracks open. E pops his head out with the most intriguing question I've ever heard from any child, "Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?" "Yes." "OK." *door closes again*
And I'm trying not to wonder why he should ask such a thing. If you're not responsible for the dishes, or at least of an age where someone expects you to be responsible for the dishes, then I can't - simply can't imagine a scenario where this question comes up. So I have to wonder. And mothers wondering about what their children are doing rarely brings peace.
I quit what I'm doing and walk back in. E is fishing in the dishwasher for... "a spoon."
"I want to use a spoon to get the water out of the bowl. I thought if I put water in the bowl it would make soup and he would eat that instead."
Now, are you as floored by my kid as I am? 'Cuz that one sentence is the whole reason for this blog post. Mind you... he's not trying to get his brother to eat dinner. Remember. He's trying to get a cupcake. This is like four-five-six step problem solving, and I know adults who can't think this far ahead.
I'm shaken from my stunned state as Max's claws clack the tile on his way to search for scraps at A's feet. I come over and gently pour the water from the bowl back to his cup. As I pour I point out that the spice has washed off the chicken (along with most of the cheese sauce coating the meal) in the water and it's now safe to eat. Happy A digs in to dinner. Ten minutes before bed time.
E receives my accolade. How clever he is! His reward is hugs for now, and shall be cupcakes when he gets home from school tomorrow. But in this moment I have to hug him and kiss him and chase the dog away from the dining table for the umpteenth time and feed myself and answer my husband's phone call and clear the table and... move on with my regularly chaotic, overwhelmingly filled, endlessly blessed crazy boring life.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
I may be judgemental, but that doesn't mean you're not mental
Come. On. Sometimes the things I love tend to go to the ridiculous length. As in, this is worthy of ridicule. Most often I find this in fellowship (yes I have some criticisms of my fellowship) when FELLOWSHIP is rated second to "family." Yes, Christ said we are to love one another, and stand closer than a brother, deny mother and father,... but I'm not here for family. I'm here for fellowship- working together for a goal. Family is a perk, not a purpose and when you lift it up and talk about it to others as the best part of your life and actually refer to it as "THE family" I want to spit! This is misinformation and frankly a picture of an unhealthy boundary in a world that prizes independence and individualism over codependent CULTISH weak thought. Have I said all this before? Yeah? Well...
Tonight one of my other passions is up for ridicule. Birth and breastfeeding. It's important. It's normal, and it's important that it be normal. But some of us in this culture think that normal birth without intervention is selfish. You surely remember being told or hearing "there's no medal for doing it without epidural!" As an aside, I submit that subjecting your body (and yes baby) to epidural or other intervention when it's not medically necessary is willfully introducing risk without abating any other risk already present during a normal birth. How's THAT for selfish? But I digress.
This week I got so see a pretty little picture of a mother nursing her two daughters. As art for art's sake it's a pretty image. The children are nurtured and peaceful in expression, the afternoon light kisses their hair and the billowing blooms of the rolling country meadow. Mom stands topless in a skirt at a fence rail (looks like she's standing in a cattle chute) while her cherubs balance on the fence and lean into their mother and the youngest nurses. Topless? Yeah, she walked into a field, took off her shirt, balanced her kids up on a rickety fence rail (one of them has to squat on the beam) and said, "yes, this is natural!" She can't possibly be comfortable. In the sense that no one breastfeeds in this position unless it's an on-demand situation. And this is clearly not an on-demand situation or else this woman walks around the ranch topless everyday. That is to say I would have zero criticism if she were simply wearing an opened shirt.
I submit you are the Flavor Flave of breastfeeding images. Out there? Yes. Thought provoking? Definitely. Lacking in seriousness and credibility? Absolutely. You are trying too hard for a cause that strives to make breastfeeding (anywhere where it can be seen) appear normal. This my dears is NOT normal. I'm a mom who breastfed. I'm from Texas cattle country. Trust me, no one does this.
Tonight one of my other passions is up for ridicule. Birth and breastfeeding. It's important. It's normal, and it's important that it be normal. But some of us in this culture think that normal birth without intervention is selfish. You surely remember being told or hearing "there's no medal for doing it without epidural!" As an aside, I submit that subjecting your body (and yes baby) to epidural or other intervention when it's not medically necessary is willfully introducing risk without abating any other risk already present during a normal birth. How's THAT for selfish? But I digress.
This week I got so see a pretty little picture of a mother nursing her two daughters. As art for art's sake it's a pretty image. The children are nurtured and peaceful in expression, the afternoon light kisses their hair and the billowing blooms of the rolling country meadow. Mom stands topless in a skirt at a fence rail (looks like she's standing in a cattle chute) while her cherubs balance on the fence and lean into their mother and the youngest nurses. Topless? Yeah, she walked into a field, took off her shirt, balanced her kids up on a rickety fence rail (one of them has to squat on the beam) and said, "yes, this is natural!" She can't possibly be comfortable. In the sense that no one breastfeeds in this position unless it's an on-demand situation. And this is clearly not an on-demand situation or else this woman walks around the ranch topless everyday. That is to say I would have zero criticism if she were simply wearing an opened shirt.
I submit you are the Flavor Flave of breastfeeding images. Out there? Yes. Thought provoking? Definitely. Lacking in seriousness and credibility? Absolutely. You are trying too hard for a cause that strives to make breastfeeding (anywhere where it can be seen) appear normal. This my dears is NOT normal. I'm a mom who breastfed. I'm from Texas cattle country. Trust me, no one does this.
What is Christmas?
I may or may not have have mentioned that I was dismayed by the curriculum at the tall one's school last month when they did a count down to Halloween. If you didn't know it already, I don't actually have anything against Halloween. I have something against counting down to it.
Whelp- The tall one has no idea how many days are left before Thanksgiving day.
Oh, and I'm already cringing at the thought of a count down to Christmas. And I've been dwelling more and more on this. WHAT IS CHRISTMAS?
Yes, we know the technical history. Or if you don't, then get an education because it's important.
Not so important for a whole post.. but presume you know that Christ was not in Christmas originally. And presume you know that Christ was alive when the people who invented it (The Romans) were still calling it Saturnalia. That Mithra and tree stuff was added in later.
And to the point.. I'd celebrate Saturnalia too if it were still called that and had nothing to Christianity and everything to do with the days finally starting to get longer. It'd receive about as much investment from me as I give to the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving.
But what IS it? This Christmas?
Forget that.... what does GOD want it to be?
As a believer in the Word, and a believer in the chronicle that describes how Gods perfect son came to Earth and formed a perfect church. I have every faith and knowledge that what Jesus the Christ did was his father's will and it was made perfect through his life and words. If you don't know me, think about the word "perfect." Nope. Nothing better. Now think of the Christ putting in place on Earth a "perfect church." Teaching his disciples to evangelize (the specifics of making more Christians) and in his parting address telling them to go forth and preach to all the nations, teaching them to obey all that he had taught them. (Matthew 28) I personally think of Jesus' last words on Earth as having the import of a parting presidential address. Pretty important.
He was divine, and what he set up was a perfect church. All to say that it was perfect, didn't need any improvement, and actually didn't include Christmas.
Did the first Christians (who were Hebrew BTW) celebrate Saturnalia? Maybe. We don't know... but I am certain that their culture also was aware of the solstice that heralded the approaching of Spring. As a farmer or herdsman I imagine I'd be inclined to celebrate it too. As an Isrealite, I imagine I wouldn't do so as the Romans did. But I digress.
What does GOD want it to be? Does he mind or care that it's been bastardized into his birthday celebration where the priests then invited some slut-goddess to the party and then invited some characature of a nice guy in a red clown suit and finally stretched it into a celebration of abundance and capatalism? And now in the last decade I see a calling of people who want to restore it back to ... the original bastardization of Saturnalia. As though THAT sentiment is what pleases God.
Maybe it does. How would I know?
Who's to say that He doesn't love or at least appreciate a man made festival centered around His miracle- the virgin birth of his only son? Did you catch me there? Let me try again.
Who's to say that He doesn't love or at least appreciate a man made festival centered around His miracle- the burning of the lamp for 7 more days after the battle that reclaimed His temple?
I'll tell you who's to say about the latter. The Christ who walked in the temple in the portico of Solomon during the Feast of Dedication. (John 10)
Sooo... do I have a biblical example that Christ celebrated Hannukah? Or do I have a biblical example that God condones a (or any?) man made festival that is dedicated to him? Should I follow Christ's example and celebrate it too? Can I make one up myself and dedicate it?
In any event, I want to minimize what I know Christmas is NOT. Presents. I want to minimize presents. Did I say "eliminate"? Neh. Maybe make Christmas about GIVING instead.
One present for each child. That's it. And maybe even not a "well though out" one at that.
Take time before hand with them to make some crafts to give to whomever they choose. Ask their father to figure out one for them to give to their momma too. ('Cuz you know- I don't want to be left out of the receiving of presents!)
And buy a meaningful gift for someone we don't know. *flippant tone here* Like a goat from the world vision catalog.
A tree, sure. With decorations referring to miracle virgin birth of the Christ.. maybe not.
Fat guy in a red suit... the clown of Christmas... sure why not? Who doesn't love a clown?
Mistletoe and eggnog (actually I'll bastardize that and opt for Westsoy's Chocolate Peppermint Stick "nog").
Lights.
And maybe a prayer for snow.
If it would be pleasing to God.
Whelp- The tall one has no idea how many days are left before Thanksgiving day.
Oh, and I'm already cringing at the thought of a count down to Christmas. And I've been dwelling more and more on this. WHAT IS CHRISTMAS?
Yes, we know the technical history. Or if you don't, then get an education because it's important.
Not so important for a whole post.. but presume you know that Christ was not in Christmas originally. And presume you know that Christ was alive when the people who invented it (The Romans) were still calling it Saturnalia. That Mithra and tree stuff was added in later.
And to the point.. I'd celebrate Saturnalia too if it were still called that and had nothing to Christianity and everything to do with the days finally starting to get longer. It'd receive about as much investment from me as I give to the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving.
But what IS it? This Christmas?
Forget that.... what does GOD want it to be?
As a believer in the Word, and a believer in the chronicle that describes how Gods perfect son came to Earth and formed a perfect church. I have every faith and knowledge that what Jesus the Christ did was his father's will and it was made perfect through his life and words. If you don't know me, think about the word "perfect." Nope. Nothing better. Now think of the Christ putting in place on Earth a "perfect church." Teaching his disciples to evangelize (the specifics of making more Christians) and in his parting address telling them to go forth and preach to all the nations, teaching them to obey all that he had taught them. (Matthew 28) I personally think of Jesus' last words on Earth as having the import of a parting presidential address. Pretty important.
He was divine, and what he set up was a perfect church. All to say that it was perfect, didn't need any improvement, and actually didn't include Christmas.
Did the first Christians (who were Hebrew BTW) celebrate Saturnalia? Maybe. We don't know... but I am certain that their culture also was aware of the solstice that heralded the approaching of Spring. As a farmer or herdsman I imagine I'd be inclined to celebrate it too. As an Isrealite, I imagine I wouldn't do so as the Romans did. But I digress.
What does GOD want it to be? Does he mind or care that it's been bastardized into his birthday celebration where the priests then invited some slut-goddess to the party and then invited some characature of a nice guy in a red clown suit and finally stretched it into a celebration of abundance and capatalism? And now in the last decade I see a calling of people who want to restore it back to ... the original bastardization of Saturnalia. As though THAT sentiment is what pleases God.
Maybe it does. How would I know?
Who's to say that He doesn't love or at least appreciate a man made festival centered around His miracle- the virgin birth of his only son? Did you catch me there? Let me try again.
Who's to say that He doesn't love or at least appreciate a man made festival centered around His miracle- the burning of the lamp for 7 more days after the battle that reclaimed His temple?
I'll tell you who's to say about the latter. The Christ who walked in the temple in the portico of Solomon during the Feast of Dedication. (John 10)
Sooo... do I have a biblical example that Christ celebrated Hannukah? Or do I have a biblical example that God condones a (or any?) man made festival that is dedicated to him? Should I follow Christ's example and celebrate it too? Can I make one up myself and dedicate it?
In any event, I want to minimize what I know Christmas is NOT. Presents. I want to minimize presents. Did I say "eliminate"? Neh. Maybe make Christmas about GIVING instead.
One present for each child. That's it. And maybe even not a "well though out" one at that.
Take time before hand with them to make some crafts to give to whomever they choose. Ask their father to figure out one for them to give to their momma too. ('Cuz you know- I don't want to be left out of the receiving of presents!)
And buy a meaningful gift for someone we don't know. *flippant tone here* Like a goat from the world vision catalog.
A tree, sure. With decorations referring to miracle virgin birth of the Christ.. maybe not.
Fat guy in a red suit... the clown of Christmas... sure why not? Who doesn't love a clown?
Mistletoe and eggnog (actually I'll bastardize that and opt for Westsoy's Chocolate Peppermint Stick "nog").
Lights.
And maybe a prayer for snow.
If it would be pleasing to God.
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Halloween Countdown
I was a little dismayed last week when the tall one started counting down the days to Halloween. I can't express exactly what's wrong with that. Nothing's wrong with that really. I supposed he'll- THEY'LL all do the same for ChristSpendmas and their birthdays. 'Cuz... I guess... they're children.
I read rants from mothers about the "magic" being taken out of childhood by this generation of politically correct, tactlessly honest, intensive parents. Those who don't hoax about Santa and the Easter Bunny. No tooth fairies or fairies of any sort for that matter. And if you do dare to display the Elf on your shelf, why, you're some selfish, shortsighted, unthinking sap who's OK with LYING to your kids.
I would love to have an elf on my shelf. I can't think of a way to introduce it without the manipulating their behavior part... and frankly, I'm not sure I'm capable of mixing make believe with abstract concepts such as the creator of the universe. Maybe it's not that big a deal to most of us, but I really am not that trusting that my kids won't get it all confused. I've striven most of my life to find what is true. I'm still not sure how Jonah could survive in the fish, but clearly the tall one believes that there was an angelic gospel choir in there with him providing light and singing about God's mercy. And a talking caterpillar. He's four. I don't know how to explain that some parts of that are true and some are (probably) not. Frankly all of it sounds crazy right? I'm feeling pressed to explain faith instead of simply living it. I feel like I must distinguish it from imagination and conjecture.
My boys know how to identify vampires by sight but have no idea what they really represent. I try to maintain dissonance. The big bad wolf wants to blow the houses down but we never talk about why. And when we do- am I the only one who tries to help toddlers picture the savagery of nature? "Y'know, wolves don't have thumbs so they can't hold knives to chop the pigs up. They just bite hunks of skin and flesh off with their teeth and eat the pigs raw."
Someone just this very second explained to me that the dinosaurs lived before the people and they lived next to the volcanoes. Then when the volcanoes erupted all the dinosaurs died and then the people were born. I'm OK with that. No, I don't know how to incorporate that with where the first man was in God's plan. How to rationalize that evolution is a theory and creationism is an idea. That one school says they are mutually exclusive and another says they are not... and I'm expected to tell my children what is true.
I KNOW the love of God is true. I KNOW that he sent his perfect son to make a perfect church and reconcile man to the maker.
I'm wary of the world indoctrinating my children to believing that faith is a myth. I'm wary of being accused of indoctrinating my children to believing a myth. I want to introduce and teach these things on my own terms. In my heart I guess I believe that this is more important than the letter of the week. And certainly more important than how many days remain until *insert holiday here*.
Am I teaching that? Um... no. Am I living that? Definitely. So I suppose the answer to the first question is "yes." Am I blogging on here moaning that I see enthusiasm for holidays but not for Christ? Potentially.
I want to teach that. Alongside two plus two. And to know that my kids think that Halloween is great, but that God and his intentions are greater and more worthy of reflection and celebration.
I don't want to count down to Halloween. I don't want to count down to Christmas or the Fourth of July.
Sure they'll be kids! Sure we'll observe the traditions of our culture! And hold up what the Christ modeled as important and worthy of celebration! And they'll be children who eventually become young men.
Talking with a friend, she explained that the influence out there will never diminish, only grow. I can rationalize that what is normal for kids this age is harmless. But can I imagine rationalizing the same way when they're 15? "I suppose there's nothing wrong with dating at 16. And yeh, they'll risk boundaries and potentially their dignity and their very lives. 'Cuz... I guess... they're teenaged boys. "
I was sadly informed last year that (like the elf on the shelf), my sons will not. Date the cheerleaders in high school.
I'm still letting that sink in.
They will not be sent to risk and explore at that age (at any age!) with other people's daughters. They will not learn how to relate to women being taught by teenaged girls. There will be intention in every relationship they form when they are ready to try at forming relationships intentionally. And that intention will be examined and guided by disciples before them, learning to love women of worth in a giving in a selfless way. Submitting to one another and learning to lead and protect along side brothers in Christ who've walked this road.
Yeh. I know it's different. But that's my point.
My kids are different.
We don't count down to Halloween.
I read rants from mothers about the "magic" being taken out of childhood by this generation of politically correct, tactlessly honest, intensive parents. Those who don't hoax about Santa and the Easter Bunny. No tooth fairies or fairies of any sort for that matter. And if you do dare to display the Elf on your shelf, why, you're some selfish, shortsighted, unthinking sap who's OK with LYING to your kids.
I would love to have an elf on my shelf. I can't think of a way to introduce it without the manipulating their behavior part... and frankly, I'm not sure I'm capable of mixing make believe with abstract concepts such as the creator of the universe. Maybe it's not that big a deal to most of us, but I really am not that trusting that my kids won't get it all confused. I've striven most of my life to find what is true. I'm still not sure how Jonah could survive in the fish, but clearly the tall one believes that there was an angelic gospel choir in there with him providing light and singing about God's mercy. And a talking caterpillar. He's four. I don't know how to explain that some parts of that are true and some are (probably) not. Frankly all of it sounds crazy right? I'm feeling pressed to explain faith instead of simply living it. I feel like I must distinguish it from imagination and conjecture.
My boys know how to identify vampires by sight but have no idea what they really represent. I try to maintain dissonance. The big bad wolf wants to blow the houses down but we never talk about why. And when we do- am I the only one who tries to help toddlers picture the savagery of nature? "Y'know, wolves don't have thumbs so they can't hold knives to chop the pigs up. They just bite hunks of skin and flesh off with their teeth and eat the pigs raw."
Someone just this very second explained to me that the dinosaurs lived before the people and they lived next to the volcanoes. Then when the volcanoes erupted all the dinosaurs died and then the people were born. I'm OK with that. No, I don't know how to incorporate that with where the first man was in God's plan. How to rationalize that evolution is a theory and creationism is an idea. That one school says they are mutually exclusive and another says they are not... and I'm expected to tell my children what is true.
I KNOW the love of God is true. I KNOW that he sent his perfect son to make a perfect church and reconcile man to the maker.
I'm wary of the world indoctrinating my children to believing that faith is a myth. I'm wary of being accused of indoctrinating my children to believing a myth. I want to introduce and teach these things on my own terms. In my heart I guess I believe that this is more important than the letter of the week. And certainly more important than how many days remain until *insert holiday here*.
Am I teaching that? Um... no. Am I living that? Definitely. So I suppose the answer to the first question is "yes." Am I blogging on here moaning that I see enthusiasm for holidays but not for Christ? Potentially.
I want to teach that. Alongside two plus two. And to know that my kids think that Halloween is great, but that God and his intentions are greater and more worthy of reflection and celebration.
I don't want to count down to Halloween. I don't want to count down to Christmas or the Fourth of July.
Sure they'll be kids! Sure we'll observe the traditions of our culture! And hold up what the Christ modeled as important and worthy of celebration! And they'll be children who eventually become young men.
Talking with a friend, she explained that the influence out there will never diminish, only grow. I can rationalize that what is normal for kids this age is harmless. But can I imagine rationalizing the same way when they're 15? "I suppose there's nothing wrong with dating at 16. And yeh, they'll risk boundaries and potentially their dignity and their very lives. 'Cuz... I guess... they're teenaged boys. "
I was sadly informed last year that (like the elf on the shelf), my sons will not. Date the cheerleaders in high school.
I'm still letting that sink in.
They will not be sent to risk and explore at that age (at any age!) with other people's daughters. They will not learn how to relate to women being taught by teenaged girls. There will be intention in every relationship they form when they are ready to try at forming relationships intentionally. And that intention will be examined and guided by disciples before them, learning to love women of worth in a giving in a selfless way. Submitting to one another and learning to lead and protect along side brothers in Christ who've walked this road.
Yeh. I know it's different. But that's my point.
My kids are different.
We don't count down to Halloween.
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